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 Its not done but here is the start

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NightmareX1
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NightmareX1


Number of posts : 888
Location : Your Nightmare
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Registration date : 2008-07-21

Its not done but here is the start Empty
PostSubject: Its not done but here is the start   Its not done but here is the start EmptySun Sep 14, 2008 1:29 pm

My story will NOT be posted on the internet. If you want to read it and give CONSTRUCTIVE criticism ask me and I will e-mail it to you.
However only if I TRUST the person will I send it to them.
(Or in Goddard's case to stop being annoyed/pestered by him).


Last edited by NightmareX1 on Tue Sep 23, 2008 7:14 pm; edited 1 time in total
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NightmareX1
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NightmareX1


Number of posts : 888
Location : Your Nightmare
Points :
Its not done but here is the start Left_bar_bleue100 / 100100 / 100Its not done but here is the start Right_bar_bleue

Registration date : 2008-07-21

Its not done but here is the start Empty
PostSubject: Re: Its not done but here is the start   Its not done but here is the start EmptySun Sep 14, 2008 1:31 pm

Also I hope nobody complains about this.
*coughgoddardcough*


Last edited by NightmareX1 on Tue Sep 23, 2008 7:15 pm; edited 1 time in total
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NightmareX1
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NightmareX1


Number of posts : 888
Location : Your Nightmare
Points :
Its not done but here is the start Left_bar_bleue100 / 100100 / 100Its not done but here is the start Right_bar_bleue

Registration date : 2008-07-21

Its not done but here is the start Empty
PostSubject: Re: Its not done but here is the start   Its not done but here is the start EmptySun Sep 14, 2008 1:37 pm

Thats about it.
(To lazy to write more).


Last edited by NightmareX1 on Tue Sep 23, 2008 7:15 pm; edited 5 times in total
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NightmareX1
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NightmareX1


Number of posts : 888
Location : Your Nightmare
Points :
Its not done but here is the start Left_bar_bleue100 / 100100 / 100Its not done but here is the start Right_bar_bleue

Registration date : 2008-07-21

Its not done but here is the start Empty
PostSubject: Re: Its not done but here is the start   Its not done but here is the start EmptySun Sep 14, 2008 1:39 pm

Also guys note that is my first attempt at writing something so there will be errors. Any constructive criticism would be highly appreciated. Also like I said before it is obviously not done and I will continue it.
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cartoonwolf
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Number of posts : 34
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Registration date : 2008-09-01

Its not done but here is the start Empty
PostSubject: Re: Its not done but here is the start   Its not done but here is the start EmptySun Sep 14, 2008 3:02 pm

There are afew issues, but it was a good first attemempt. You often forget to put quotation marks after dialogue. It's nothing big, but it makes it more difficult to read. Also, everything happens to fast. You don't take time to explain things in detail.

'Arra rushed in with her sword and cut down almost all the monsters that were there.'

You don't take the time to explain the battle, or even how the monsters look like.It doesn't have to be that long, and it makes any reading that much more enjoyable.

Other then those two things, it was good.
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NightmareX1
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NightmareX1


Number of posts : 888
Location : Your Nightmare
Points :
Its not done but here is the start Left_bar_bleue100 / 100100 / 100Its not done but here is the start Right_bar_bleue

Registration date : 2008-07-21

Its not done but here is the start Empty
PostSubject: Re: Its not done but here is the start   Its not done but here is the start EmptySun Sep 14, 2008 3:05 pm

hmm i guess ill work more detail into it
i dont have a lot of time so yea it is a little rushed

I did edit some of it
and the later fights will be in a lot more detail.
Starting with the one I am going to start working on soon.
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Spirit Godd
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Spirit Godd


Number of posts : 1200
Location : Tennessee
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Its not done but here is the start Left_bar_bleue150 / 100150 / 100Its not done but here is the start Right_bar_bleue

Registration date : 2008-07-11

Its not done but here is the start Empty
PostSubject: Re: Its not done but here is the start   Its not done but here is the start EmptyMon Sep 15, 2008 4:38 pm

Nice! Although I cant read all of it at the moment, I will finish up reading it. I like it Smile
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https://goddardsforum.forumotion.net
NightmareX1
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NightmareX1


Number of posts : 888
Location : Your Nightmare
Points :
Its not done but here is the start Left_bar_bleue100 / 100100 / 100Its not done but here is the start Right_bar_bleue

Registration date : 2008-07-21

Its not done but here is the start Empty
PostSubject: Re: Its not done but here is the start   Its not done but here is the start EmptyMon Sep 15, 2008 5:26 pm

thnx im gona work on it soon
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NightmareX1
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NightmareX1


Number of posts : 888
Location : Your Nightmare
Points :
Its not done but here is the start Left_bar_bleue100 / 100100 / 100Its not done but here is the start Right_bar_bleue

Registration date : 2008-07-21

Its not done but here is the start Empty
PostSubject: Re: Its not done but here is the start   Its not done but here is the start EmptyMon Sep 15, 2008 7:06 pm

Sorry to fawx because of my laziness.
(Goddard is a bad influence)


Last edited by NightmareX1 on Tue Sep 23, 2008 7:16 pm; edited 1 time in total
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cartoonwolf
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Number of posts : 34
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Its not done but here is the start Left_bar_bleue0 / 1000 / 100Its not done but here is the start Right_bar_bleue

Registration date : 2008-09-01

Its not done but here is the start Empty
PostSubject: Re: Its not done but here is the start   Its not done but here is the start EmptyThu Sep 18, 2008 7:00 pm

Update now!
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NightmareX1
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NightmareX1


Number of posts : 888
Location : Your Nightmare
Points :
Its not done but here is the start Left_bar_bleue100 / 100100 / 100Its not done but here is the start Right_bar_bleue

Registration date : 2008-07-21

Its not done but here is the start Empty
PostSubject: Re: Its not done but here is the start   Its not done but here is the start EmptyThu Sep 18, 2008 8:29 pm

computer issues and family so either later night or tommorow
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Spirit Godd
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Spirit Godd


Number of posts : 1200
Location : Tennessee
Points :
Its not done but here is the start Left_bar_bleue150 / 100150 / 100Its not done but here is the start Right_bar_bleue

Registration date : 2008-07-11

Its not done but here is the start Empty
PostSubject: Re: Its not done but here is the start   Its not done but here is the start EmptyFri Sep 19, 2008 2:14 pm

Ok
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https://goddardsforum.forumotion.net
NightmareX1
Moderator
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NightmareX1


Number of posts : 888
Location : Your Nightmare
Points :
Its not done but here is the start Left_bar_bleue100 / 100100 / 100Its not done but here is the start Right_bar_bleue

Registration date : 2008-07-21

Its not done but here is the start Empty
PostSubject: Re: Its not done but here is the start   Its not done but here is the start EmptyFri Sep 19, 2008 7:48 pm

meh had to go somewhere
but might update later
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Spirit Godd
Admin
Admin
Spirit Godd


Number of posts : 1200
Location : Tennessee
Points :
Its not done but here is the start Left_bar_bleue150 / 100150 / 100Its not done but here is the start Right_bar_bleue

Registration date : 2008-07-11

Its not done but here is the start Empty
PostSubject: Re: Its not done but here is the start   Its not done but here is the start EmptySat Sep 20, 2008 5:29 am

W00t!
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https://goddardsforum.forumotion.net
NightmareX1
Moderator
Moderator
NightmareX1


Number of posts : 888
Location : Your Nightmare
Points :
Its not done but here is the start Left_bar_bleue100 / 100100 / 100Its not done but here is the start Right_bar_bleue

Registration date : 2008-07-21

Its not done but here is the start Empty
PostSubject: Re: Its not done but here is the start   Its not done but here is the start EmptySat Sep 20, 2008 9:34 am

ok maybe today just been to busy
bah...
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Its not done but here is the start Empty
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