Its not done but here is the start

NightmareX1 · Subject: Its not done but here is the start Sun Sep 14, 2008 7:29 pm

My story will NOT be posted on the internet. If you want to read it and give CONSTRUCTIVE criticism ask me and I will e-mail it to you.
However only if I TRUST the person will I send it to them.
(Or in Goddard's case to stop being annoyed/pestered by him).

NightmareX1 · Subject: Re: Its not done but here is the start Sun Sep 14, 2008 7:31 pm

Also I hope nobody complains about this.
*coughgoddardcough*

NightmareX1 · Subject: Re: Its not done but here is the start Sun Sep 14, 2008 7:37 pm

Thats about it.
(To lazy to write more).

NightmareX1 · Subject: Re: Its not done but here is the start Sun Sep 14, 2008 7:39 pm

Also guys note that is my first attempt at writing something so there will be errors. Any constructive criticism would be highly appreciated. Also like I said before it is obviously not done and I will continue it.

cartoonwolf · New Member Number of posts: 34 Points: Registration date: 2008-09-02

There are afew issues, but it was a good first attemempt. You often forget to put quotation marks after dialogue. It's nothing big, but it makes it more difficult to read. Also, everything happens to fast. You don't take time to explain things in detail.

'Arra rushed in with her sword and cut down almost all the monsters that were there.'

You don't take the time to explain the battle, or even how the monsters look like.It doesn't have to be that long, and it makes any reading that much more enjoyable.

Other then those two things, it was good.

NightmareX1 · Subject: Re: Its not done but here is the start Sun Sep 14, 2008 9:05 pm

hmm i guess ill work more detail into it
i dont have a lot of time so yea it is a little rushed

I did edit some of it
and the later fights will be in a lot more detail.
Starting with the one I am going to start working on soon.

Spirit Godd · Subject: Re: Its not done but here is the start Mon Sep 15, 2008 10:38 pm

Nice! Although I cant read all of it at the moment, I will finish up reading it. I like it Smile

_________________
http://xat.com/SpiritsofMist
A chatgroup I made on xat, no different then the one on this website, although it has games and other things to play if you are bored.
EAT MOAR STEAK

NightmareX1 · Subject: Re: Its not done but here is the start Mon Sep 15, 2008 11:26 pm

thnx im gona work on it soon

NightmareX1 · Subject: Re: Its not done but here is the start Tue Sep 16, 2008 1:06 am

Sorry to fawx because of my laziness.
(Goddard is a bad influence)

cartoonwolf · New Member Number of posts: 34 Points: Registration date: 2008-09-02

Update now!

NightmareX1 · Subject: Re: Its not done but here is the start Fri Sep 19, 2008 2:29 am

computer issues and family so either later night or tommorow

Spirit Godd · Subject: Re: Its not done but here is the start Fri Sep 19, 2008 8:14 pm

Ok

_________________
http://xat.com/SpiritsofMist
A chatgroup I made on xat, no different then the one on this website, although it has games and other things to play if you are bored.
EAT MOAR STEAK

NightmareX1 · Subject: Re: Its not done but here is the start Sat Sep 20, 2008 1:48 am

meh had to go somewhere
but might update later

Spirit Godd · Subject: Re: Its not done but here is the start Sat Sep 20, 2008 11:29 am

W00t!

_________________
http://xat.com/SpiritsofMist
A chatgroup I made on xat, no different then the one on this website, although it has games and other things to play if you are bored.
EAT MOAR STEAK

NightmareX1 · Subject: Re: Its not done but here is the start Sat Sep 20, 2008 3:34 pm

ok maybe today just been to busy
bah...